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As she waited for Celia sitting at one of the Mylan’s tables, Alicia thought of Timmy again. After a few months of relationship, she had to admit that he was really charming, a very nice guy who from the beginning had pressed some of the keys that normally took Alicia to go from the fling-flight phase to the possible-relationship one: Timmy was pleasant in the treatment, affectionate, interesting in the conversation –which used to revolve around topics of mutual interest–, and he was, why not say it, not at all physically bad.
Although then, oh, there had been that little disappointment… let’s just say that nature –in these terms she preferred to think of it, admonishing herself about the first expression that had come to mind when she saw it– had not been too generous with him in the matter, referring to that part of the male anatomy that… well, that part that most obviously defines masculinity.
The days following the little discovery had been a constant inner turmoil for Alicia. It wasn’t that she intended to leave him (although she couldn’t deny that it was one of the options to consider), after all, a relationship isn’t sustained on that alone. The truth is that he made himself loved and it was difficult to give up all that positive side, full of that, so to speak, proclivity to satisfy. But eventuality it was still a problem (for what woman wouldn’t it be?) with which one had to deal, on which one had to meditate, which one had to try to assimilate.
The bag buzzed on the table, bringing her out of her thoughts. She took out the device and saw on the screen a message from Celia, announcing that it would take ten minutes to arrive. Alicia replied with a calm, I’ll wait for you. She wanted to see Celia. Who better than a friend to share your concerns? At noon Celia had asked her by phone how things were going, and Alicia had answered her with a would you like to meet later and we’ll have a coffee?, so Celia must have sensed that Timmy was nearby and accepted the invitation with an oops, oops… of course brimming with anticipation and curiosity.
It’s not like she’d been abrupt about it with Timmy, not even entirely explicit at first, though obviously was not easy to hide the hint of frustration she’d felt either. He had sensed it, no doubt, already that first time. The somewhat absent attitude of hers, the uncomfortable and –although one tries to avoid it– significant silence later, that shy (revealing that he knew) “do you want me to caress you again” and her slightly cold answer –confirming him that yes, that it was a problem–: “no, that’s fine, honey”, followed by another meditative silence, uncomfortable for both of them but –for more than obvious reasons– especially uncomfortable for him.
While avoiding abruptness, she also didn’t want him to get the impression that everything was perfect, after all it would be fooling him, and it would be fooling herself. And she also knew that in order to find solutions to a problem, it had to be dealt in a more explicit way. So he had begun to nuance her comments a bit. From the:
–Don’t worry, honey, it really doesn’t matter that much.
–Let’s see, if you really want me to be completely honest, yes, it is true that a woman has certain needs…
and when she, during some intimate moment, in the midst of caresses altındağ escort and tender smiles, would let out a “don’t you think it’s better to be open about things?” he had already learned to anticipate that she did not have a day to repress her impressions on the matter, and that she was about to bring it to the fore to comment on some aspect of it.
There was a certain solicitousness in Timmy, an obvious tendency to please her in any way he could. Perhaps, as Alicia had heard about other men in the same case, it was a kind of tendency to compensate for that lack. Not that she expected a helpful attitude from him, but of course, especially in the most intimate moments, she had to admit that he being aware of her gestures to learn to decipher what she wanted at each moment (the promptness, for example, of Timmy responding to the slightest loving downward pressure of her hands on his shoulders, the haste with which he lowered his head to her thighs to please her)… Alicia did not dislike that at all, so she decided to go with the flow a bit and let things evolve naturally.
She remembered Timmy’s face the first time she showed him the toy. That night she was especially excited (perhaps because she had spent much of the afternoon thinking about the possible options –some of them a bit funny– to make the introductions between the toy and Timmy). After he finished treating her orally for the second time, they were caressing each other, laughing… she felt especially daring and took advantage of the intimacy and tenderness of the moment to whisper next to Timmy’s ear: “Well, now what are you going to do to not leave your girlfriend halfway, Timmy?” It was like flipping a light switch, the bulb being Timmy’s face at the moment he heard it.
She reassured him by giving him an almost motherly kiss, and then, still looking at him and smiling, she turned a little and resolutely reached behind her, opening the drawer of the bedside table, and turned to him with the toy in her hand. Timmy’s face was a poem, alight more intensely than before. She reassured him again: she underlined the trust involved in sharing something so intimate with him, told him that he should understand it that way, that it was natural to make use of such resources as a couple.
And at the same time (my God, Alicia thought), how could she ignore the increasingly amused aspect that accompanied the excitement that was building like a swell inside her? Seeing Timmy’s face, he didn’t know what to do with his eyes, trying unsuccessfully not to look at the toy in her hand. His little thing in sight, very close to the toy. Alicia smiling, looking at his face, waiting for his embarrassment to calm down a bit. His gaze finally settling on hers, they both staring at each other for a moment. And then she, with the smile expanding without the slightest hesitation, directing her gaze — and dragging Timmy’s with it — towards the toy, holding it in her hand, exhibiting it, so close to his little thing… not being able to avoid the impudence –the exciting impudence– of sharing with him the amusement that the inevitable and obscene comparison caused her…
–Alicia! –Celia was next to her, taking off her elegant coat; she hadn’t noticed her arrival, absorbed as she was in her thoughts–.
–Don’t ankara anal yapan escort get up, you look so pretty –said Celia as she leaned in to kiss her. Then she walked around the table with quick steps and sat down in front of Alicia–. Well, how are you?
They exchanged a few comments on the current public issues that interested them the most, but without delving into any of them, but rather skimming over them. After the telephone conversation during which they had met, Celia was clear that the matter that brought them together had to do with Timmy, and she did not hide her impatience.
–Well, tell me –she said looking at Alicia and composing a gesture of expectation and curiosity.
There was a long pause, which contrasted with the run they had taken in the previous comments, a silent preamble that quickly and clearly introduced them to the much slower pace of confidence. Alicia pursed her lips and cocked her head, as if searching for words.
–Let’s see, how do I tell you…
–Calm down, girl –said Celia, remaining expectant but relaxing her face and eliminating all signs of impatience from it; gently placed his hand on Alicia’s, over the table, we have time, there is no hurry.
Then Alicia made up her mind. She detached her hand from Celia’s, but didn’t withdraw it. She just raised it a little and extended his index finger and thumb, as if she were going to use them as a pincer. But she didn’t use them as a clamp, she just kept a fixed separation between them, like… indicating a length. It wasn’t an extremely short length (it wasn’t one of those extreme cases, after all), but it was short enough to be…well, conspicuously short.
She looked up from her own hand to Celia’s face, in which a first and very fleeting reflection of confusion gave way to a gesture of understanding, which in turn was followed by another of surprise, while she returned her gaze to Alicia, who nodded with the head.
–No…! –said Celia, and at this point in her expressive dynamics her face was clearly the prelude to a smile, only contained by respect for her friend, who in a situation like this they both knew was up to her to decide the moment of it.
–What a surprise, who would have thought! –Celia said, and this time Alicia looked away a little, with a slight blush on her cheeks, mainly because of Timmy, at the obvious reference that Celia had just made to him, but also partly because of herself, because of the confession she had just done and the “yes, I got it” that it entailed.
–Imagine mine seeing him –despite the pang of tenderness towards Timmy, she couldn’t avoid the tone of complicity with Celia. A smile couldn’t be that bad, she’d even say it was necessary, if only to try to downplay the matter a bit. It was produced, and they shared it.
–Be discreet, okay?
–Sure, you already know.
–I don’t want him to… although, do you know what I was wondering this afternoon, before coming? I couldn’t help but wonder if they know…
–You know, they… those kind of guys, if they’re aware of… –she paused again, searching again for the words to say it.
–That his relationship with women involves them making fun of his little secret? Celia concluded resolutely.
Alicia ankara escort gave her a playful reproachful gesture, but the truth is that she couldn’t blame her for the crudeness of the comment, after all quite realistic.
–Yes, of that –she said.
–Trust me, of course they know. Remember Javi.
It really wasn’t necessary for Alicia to remind her of Javi’s case, it had come to her mind several times in the last few days, and it wasn’t surprising that Celia had immediately thought of him too after the Alicias’ confidence about Timmy.
Javi had been Miriam’s partner, one of the group’s friends. One day (during the relationship, which had lasted a few months) she had told them about the little problem she had with him. It was, in short, the same uncomfortable lack that Timmy suffered from.
Alicia remembered the first nervous smiles, while the girls gave the frustrated Miriam ideas about the usual alternatives in such a case. And how later the subject, without having taken over all the conversations, had indeed turned out to be recurrent among them. She thought, with a little embarrassment for Timmy, of the wide range of jokes it had given rise to, the inventive expressions (she herself had contributed, laughingly, more than one), the veiled cross-references between the girls during the course of some party or meeting, and… the anticipated agitation –with more than one previous telephone comment, by way of a casual “yes, Miriam told me she doesn’t know what time she and Javi will arrive”– that sometimes it would happen being he present.
It is not that they had been brazen and completely explicit in front of him, but yes: beyond the point where one of them had not been able to resist temptation, it was not strange to cross some furtive comment between them, or that some related topic just happened to come up in a group conversation that he was in as well. Up to one or two times, on the part of some of them when addressing him, there was a slightly hidden scrutiny of a certain part of his anatomy by the female interlocutor. In short, without ever having exceeded the limit of good manners, it had not been strange to witness all of them more than once to an intense and sudden blush lighting up Javi’s cheeks, with Miriam also attending the show (if in any case it was not she herself who had provoked the outcome by providing the first comment).
Celia’s smiling face–no doubt replaying in her head the same events she was remembering–sent a nod from across the table, raising her eyebrows. Alicia realized that the smile on her face was nothing more than a reflection of her own. She felt embarrassed again for Timmy, but the truth is that it was very difficult to avoid the funny side of a case like this, once the confidence was shared.
–I suppose it will be difficult for them to accept it –Alicia reflected without losing her amused tone– but I don’t think that deep down a boy like that would be the least bit surprised, after all, he is the first one aware of the subject.
–Well thought of, I think –and here Celia’s laughter lost all vestiges of restraint– that he should even feel proud of giving a group of curious ladies more than a good time.
–You are incorrigible –Alicia openly shared the laugh, both of them recognizing the moment as a point of no return.
At that moment she felt an enormous affection for Timmy, and at the same time –she had to admit– a little impatience for the new role that he was going to have in the group of girls. The moments of –she couldn’t avoid the small cruelty of thinking about it with that expression– protagonism that he was going to have in it.
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