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Author’s note: I normally don’t like to break the fourth wall, but I consider it important enough to do so in this instance. This chapter deals with the very serious topic of psychological trauma and I think that, for some readers, this may be important to be aware of. It is a critical factor in our character’s life and needs to be told. I have tried to portray the narrative in a manner respectful to the characters and readers.

The story has been a bit of a slow burn for a reason and this chapter in particular is quite serious. But don’t worry–there is plenty of romance building and sauciness in store as we move on. For those of you who have stuck with it since the beginning — thank you. If, for some reason, you have decided to jump in with this chapter, I strongly urge you to go back and start with Chapter 01 instead.

~Alkymist

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The rushing sensation dropped from Amber’s gut like a lead weight cut loose and the buzzing in her head snapped into a deafening silence. Amber fell to her knees and started sobbing incoherently, her words broken with gasps for air. “Thought he was going to… Spencer, not Todd… the water… Oh, God, what have I done?”

Recovering from her shock, Elise quickly moved towards the younger woman and put her arm around her shoulder, guiding her up off the floor. “Here, here, sit down.” Amber complied. “Are you okay? Did something happen?” Amber burst forth with new sobs and could only nod. Not knowing which question Amber was answering, Elise realized she had to get Amber to focus. She glanced up at the patio door and thought she could hear water splashing.

“Amber, please look at me.” Amber slowly looked up, blinking rapidly, her tears mixing with the pool water still leaking from her hair. Her mascara was streaked. “Amber, I want to help you. You are safe. But I need to know, is Spencer okay or do I need to get him help? Is there danger at the pool?”

Amber glanced back at the door, sniffed, and took some shuddering breaths. “N…n..no,” she stuttered. “I… I… he’s… he’s in the pool.”

Elise, clearly torn, stood up but still held a hand on Amber’s shoulder. “I’m just going to take a quick look, but I’ll be right back,” she said firmly. Quickly crossing the room, she went out on the deck. Amber pulled the towel tighter around herself, shivering. Her heart was pounding, but at least the buzzing in her ears was gone. She could hear Elise call out to Spencer from the deck and an indecipherable response. Elise came back and sat next to Amber. “Amber, may I put my arm around you?” Amber nodded and leaned her head on the woman’s shoulder. She could smell the mild perfume again. Elise just sat there holding her and encouraging deep breaths and occasionally murmuring to the young woman, reminding her she was safe. Amber clung to the warmth and the comfort.

A few moments later, as Amber’s breathing was starting to get back under control, Spencer rushed in the door. He was oblivious to the water dripping off of him all over the rug. “Amber? Amber, are you okay?” There was a sharp edge of panic in his voice.

Elise raised a hand gesturing for him to wait. In his concern, he stepped closer and reached out to touch Amber’s shoulder in comfort. “WAIT!” Elise barked at him. Amber cringed and Spencer quickly withdrew his hand as if burned, a look of confusion on his face. More gently, Elise apologized. “Sorry. Just give the poor girl some space. We will figure out what happened but she needs some time. Why don’t you go dry off and change while I help her?” Spencer hesitated a few moments, obviously torn. Elise shot him a stern look and motioned with her head to move away. He slowly headed down a hallway, a deeply concerned look as he glanced back before disappearing out of sight. Amber glanced up and watched him go and gave another choked sob. 

Elise gave her a comforting squeeze. “Amber?” Amber looked up again, her expression somewhat dazed. “Why don’t you come with me and I will help clean you up, okay?” The younger woman stood up, one hand holding Elise’s, the other still clutching the towel around herself. She let herself be escorted back to Elise’s bathroom.

“Sorry about the wet couch,” she murmured as they entered the brightly lit room.

Elise turned around to face her. “It is fine. It will dry out. Even now you are concerned for others. You are very sweet and caring.” She reached up to brush back some strands of wet hair that were hanging in front of Amber’s face.

Amber’s breath hitched. “I… I don’t know. I wasn’t very caring to… to Spencer.” She started to tear up again.

Elise stepped closer and wrapped her arms around Amber, embracing her as a sister might. “Yes, yes you are,” she whispered as Amber clutched her back, her emotions once again letting loose.

Eventually, the additional sobs began to lessen in frequency and Amber pulled her head back. “Thanks,” she said quietly, her gratitude punctuated by a loud sniffle as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She glanced down at the mix of pool water bursa escort and tears on Elise’s shoulder. Small smears of black were streaked throughout. “Oh! I’m sorry about your shirt.” She then looked over at the mirror and grimaced. Her mascara had streaked and smeared. “God, I’m a mess!”

Elise didn’t even glance at her shoulder. She gently squeezed Amber’s hand and smiled. “Nothing to worry about. I can change later. Let’s focus on you, okay? Are you feeling a bit better?”

Amber took a deeper breath and nodded. “I think I may be all bawled out.” She then turned her gaze away from the mirror to the sapphire blue pools looking at her. Once again, she detected the subtle odor of Elise’s soft perfume. She was just thinking to herself how it seemed to have a calming effect on her when she found herself leaning in and kissing Elise on the lips. They were soft, and sweet, and felt…

“Oh my god!” Amber exclaimed, pulling away suddenly and putting a hand to her mouth. What have I done? Why did I do that? “I’m so sorry. I don’t know why…” She put both of her hands up to cover her face in shame. “Oh, God, I’m so embarrassed right now,” she muttered, her voice muffled.

Elise recovered from her slightly shocked look and gently tugged on Amber’s hands. Amber let her hands be moved away but averted her gaze. Her cheeks were crimson. “Amber,” Elise began, her voice a bit unsure. “Amber, please don’t be embarrassed.”

Amber tried looking back up at her, but her eyes kept darting away. They instead found a stencil at the upper edge of the wall that was much easier to focus on. “I really… I really don’t know where that came from. I’ve never kissed… I don’t know why I did. That was so wrong! I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me!” She bit her upper lip.

Elise smiled gently. “Amber, you are currently in the middle of processing emotional trauma. Everyone does so differently. You have graciously allowed me to help you and that IS intimate, by which I mean ‘close and personal’. I understand your embarrassment, but I hope that you will let it go. Please?” 

Amber found the courage to look back down at Elise’s face. “Okay. I’ll try. It’s just…” Her eyes couldn’t maintain the contact and she went back to memorizing the stencil pattern. “Umm, do you think I could have a moment? I am so mixed up right now.”

“Of course! I’ll go change my shirt. Take your time.” As she left the room and gently closed the door behind her, Amber dropped her gaze to the sink.

Oh my god! What was that all about? I don’t even know where that came from or why?

She told you, silly. You’re an emotional wreck right now!

She didn’t say that.

The other voice seemed to shrug. Okay, that’s my take on it, but still… you’re all shades of fucked up. Plus, she smells damn good. And she’s hot.

Amber chose to ignore that last sentence. Why am I arguing with myself? Square breathing… try square breathing. She closed her eyes and began to concentrate. 

Four counts in…

Hold for four…

Four counts out…

Hold for four…

Amber continued the cycle and could feel herself beginning to calm and her mental chatter to diminish. 

A few minutes later, there was a light knock at the door. “Amber,” Elise called out gently. “Do you need more time?”

Amber turned towards the door and opened her eyes. Now for the test. She stepped forward and turned the handle. Elise had changed out of her shirt and jeans into a comfortable set of light blue loungewear and had pulled her hair back into a ponytail. Amber stepped back to make space in the doorway. “No, thank you. Come in, I guess?”

Elise stepped in and tilted her head to one side, her eyes looking Amber up and down. “How do you feel? You seem… better.”

Amber gave a half shrug, half nod. “Ehh. I think I may have calmed down a bit. I’m still pretty embarrassed though. I mean about the whole pool thing and… you.” Well, at least you kept eye contact longer than a millisecond there before looking away.

“Ahh. Would it help if we focused on something else?”

“Yeah, probably.”

“Let me see if I can help,” Elise said, moving over to the counter. She grabbed a bottle and an apothecary jar with some pads. “Here, turn towards me. Let’s get you cleaned up a bit, yes?” 

Amber looked at her image in the mirror again. “Ugh. I look like I should be on the cover of some death metal album. Guess that makeup isn’t so great with pool water.”

Elise chuckled as she began to apply the remover and clean up the ruined mascara. “Well, I can give you some recommendations later. But right now, let’s just focus on getting you back to feeling somewhat normal, shall we?”

Amber leaned back, her eyes closed as Elise worked around her face. Feeling the other woman so close to her again started to bring up multiple feelings once more. She tried to squash them down. In doing so, she remembered something she’d said earlier and felt a sense of alarm. “Elise?”

“Hmm?”

“I just realized something. bursa escort bayan Umm, after I… uhh, after I…” She couldn’t finish and exhaled in irritation. “Aaargh!”

“After you kissed me?” She said it matter-of-factly, with no hint of concern, and continued to work on the makeup.

Amber felt her cheeks flush again. “Yeah… After that, I uhh… I said… I think I said something about how I’ve never, um, kissed a girl and then said it was so wrong. And I want to clarify that I meant it was wrong to kiss you, not that kissing girls is wrong.”

The wiping on her face stopped and Amber peeked open one eye. Elise was looking up in thought, her lips pursed. “Hmm, I recall you saying something about kissing. You did say how it was wrong, but, honestly, I took it as you intended.” She looked back at Amber. “No worries.”

“Oh. Good.” She sat there quietly until Elise finished a few moments later.

“There we go,” Elise said as she gathered up the small pile of used pads and threw them in a trash can in the corner.

Amber watched her clean up the mess. “Thanks for doing that. And… thanks for being so understanding.”

Elise grabbed a fresh washcloth from a drawer. “Of course. I’m glad I can help. You seem to be recovering a bit.”

Amber nodded. “Yeah, I feel a bit like I’m coming out of a fog. Talking with you has been helpful. May I ask… do you have experience with this sort of thing? I mean, I was freaking out and you just seemed to step up and know what to do.”

Elise started running the cloth under hot water and seemed to be collecting her thoughts. “I do. Well, not exactly the same thing, of course, but there was someone I once knew who… experienced some terrible things and needed help. I did the best I could at the time, but I tried to learn more afterward. However, I don’t know that now is an appropriate time to tell you that story though. You don’t need to bear the weight of someone else’s tragedy right now.”

Amber nodded thoughtfully. “Oh, okay. That makes sense.” Her brow creased as she thought of something else. “Umm, I had another question, if you don’t mind. Do you think I should tell Spencer about the… kiss?” Her heart started to get a twisty feeling.

“I can tell that this is weighing deeply on you,” Elise remarked as she turned back towards Amber.

“Yeah,” Amber exhaled.

Elise put her hand to her mouth for a moment while she pondered her response. “Here is my take on it. There are three people that I think you are concerned about—you, me, and Spencer. Let’s first consider you. It was a deeply emotional moment, as I previously said. I don’t know what happened outside, but you were clearly scared and then comforted by someone holding you close. You craved a connection and you reached out for it.” Elise paused for a moment and then continued, her voice taking on a more playful tone. “I do not think you were professing your undying love for me, correct?” She smiled to show she was teasing.

Amber stifled an unexpected laugh. “Haha, no. Not that you’re not lovely, but your relationship with Nicolette is still safe.”

“Well, there you go. We have an explanation for what happened and I do not think you have done anything wrong. I can only hope that this helps you feel better about yourself.

“As for me, it was unexpected, but not unpleasant. I think I understand why it happened and am not upset about it. I do not read anything further into it.

“And as for my brother… if you are worried that he would be upset, I do not believe he would be. Curious, probably, but Spencer is also very understanding. So, I do not personally think you need to tell him and I would not consider it some sort of dangerous secret. But your decision to bring it up is really more about what you feel is appropriate for you and your relationship. Make sense?”

“Yes, thank you. I will have to think about this.”

“I get the feeling that you’re big on thinking everything out. My brother is the same way. You are a good match.”

“Yeah, I am always thinking about everything. Maybe too much sometimes. And us both being overthinkers is what’s led to us taking forever to actually go out.”

Elise chuckled. “Well, that’s true too. Best to find some middle ground, perhaps…” Elise handed her the hot washcloth. “Here, the heat may help you feel better.” Amber applied it to her face and held it there letting the warmth seep in. She could feel herself starting to relax the slightest degree.

When she took the cloth away, Elise handed her a bottle. “This will help rejuvenate your skin.” Amber began applying it to her face. It left a pleasant tingle. 

As Amber worked, Elise gently placed a hand on the side of her upper arm. “Amber, I have a question for you now. Would you be open to talking about what happened down by the pool?” Amber stiffened slightly and opened her eyes.

“Umm…”

Elise continued, her voice soft. “I don’t want to pressure you. But I do want you to know that I am completely here for escort bursa your support, okay? If you are willing to talk, feel free to tell me as much or as little as you wish. If you are not ready to talk about it right now, please let me know if there is anything I can do.” She stood looking Amber directly in the eyes, searching. Miraculously, Amber didn’t look away.

Amber nodded. “Thanks. I… I think I’ve recovered enough that I… I would be open to talking with you soon.”

“Good. But don’t feel rushed.” 

“Thanks. I appreciate it.” A drop of water from the swimsuit trickled down the inside of her leg and she shivered, smacking it out of reflex. “Gahh!”

Elise was startled by the sudden motion. “Oh! We need to get you dressed. Are your clothes down at the pool house? Shall I get them for you?” She started towards the door and then paused, looking back. “Or would you rather I stay here?”

Amber looked up. “Oh… yeah, they are there, but they are soaking wet. I… I fell in.” She looked away in embarrassment.

“Ah, I see. Well, let me think then. Hmm, the suit seems to fit you well enough. Here, why don’t you get out of it and I’ll go see what I can scrounge up from Nicolette’s clothes.” Elise stepped out and Amber worked her way out of the wet bathing suit, rinsing it under the bathtub faucet. Elise returned just as she was wringing it out.

“These seemed most likely to fit,” she said, holding out a folded t-shirt and pair of sweatpants. “At least your underwear is dry.” She indicated the pair neatly folded on the edge of the bath from earlier.

Amber thanked her and began dressing in the clothes, grateful for their dry warmth. Funny how I was embarrassed to change in front of her earlier and now I don’t care. Ha, guess it just takes a little trauma to drop my insecurities. She then realized how much she’d been focusing on herself and felt a pang of chagrin.

“Elise? How’s Spencer? I’ve spent all this time thinking of myself and he’s probably wondering what the hell is going on. Can you check on him?”

Elise paused for a moment as if assessing the situation before she nodded. “I checked on him earlier, but I will check in again to give you some space.”

Amber finished cleaning herself up and stared in the mirror. The makeup was all gone, but her eyes were still red and puffy. No more death metal. Now I’ve moved on to the breakup album. She rinsed her hair in the tub and tried to dry it with the towel. She worked to get it in some semblance of order with her hands. It was about as good as it was going to get when Elise came back in and saw what she was trying to do. “May I?” she inquired, grabbing a brush.

After receiving Amber’s approval, she began to brush out the hair in long, slow strokes. Amber closed her eyes. Why is it always so relaxing when someone else brushes your hair? It reminded her of when she was little and her mother would help her get ready. Miss you, Mom.

“You asked how Spencer is doing?” Elise’s voice made her open her eyes and look in the mirror at the woman behind her working out the tangles. “He is about as you’d expect: confused, nervous, and very much worried about how you are. He was bandaging his foot and asked when I thought he could talk with you.”

His foot? What happened to his foot? Did he break something? Did I injure him? Amber felt a wave of shame wash across her body. Oh, God, Spencer, after these past couple of days, how will you ever forgive me? She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’d really like to talk to you both now if that’s okay.” She glanced up into the mirror.

Elise smiled warmly back at her. “I’ll let him know. How about we meet down the hall in the game room. It’s cozier.” She gave instructions on where it was in the house. “Just come out when you’re ready. I’ll be with you.”

******

Amber made her way down the hallway. She had waited a few minutes, gathering her emotional strength and trying to place her feelings and thoughts into words. As she approached, she heard Spencer speaking in a quiet voice, “…don’t know what happened. Maybe I misread the moment? I put my arms around her, whispered in her ear, and the next thing I know, she’s tossing me into the pool like Chun-Li.” The memory played over again in Amber’s head and she felt a pang of terrible guilt.

“I don’t know,” Elise’s voice wafted back. “I suspect there may be a history here we are unaware of. Something is obviously affecting her. Let’s just give her space and time to go at her own pace. I mean it, Spencer. I know your first instinct will be to rush to her and give her a hug—don’t. Let her know you care verbally but follow her lead physically.”

Amber took a deep breath and walked into the room. The walls were a dark red and the lamps were low. A large-screen television took up one wall with a sectional facing it. A couple of large, cozy chairs were strategically placed around the room. A walnut gaming table was in a nook, a bookshelf stacked with board games behind it. Spencer and Elise stopped talking and looked up. Elise stood up and came over to her while Spencer stood, but seemed unsure of what to do. Amber glanced down at his foot and saw that his right foot had a bandage wrapped around the ankle. “Hey,” she said meekly. She could see the pain in his eyes, and not because of the injured foot.

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